Results tagged ‘ Poetry Grand-Slam ’
Ode to Kevin Youkilis
Ode to Kevin Youkilis
by: Big Pupi
Kevin Youkilis, you’re a pretty good guy
Trying to stay in when hit in the eye
In between innings while warming up;
At least you didn’t get hit in the cup.
And the day before you had a walk-off blast
That in 13 innings moved the Red Sox past
The Cardinals who we smoked in ’04
When you were just getting you foot in the door.
You moved to first base and you really perspire
You play every day, but never seem to tire,
And for 238 games you didn’t have an error-
Can Lugo say that? The answer is never.
Once in a while, you’ll get really mad
And throw stuff around the dugout a tad,
But that’s because you play so intense
Ripping line-drives over the fence,
Walking so much you’re like always on base,
Growing a small rodent on your face.
Getting all dirty and not taking a bath,
Using Gatorade coolers to take out your wrath.
Youk, you wear emotion all over your sleeve-
Helmets and shin-guards you love to heave.
Thanks Kevin for playing so hard-
You’re dirty before stepping onto the yard.
And we count on you to handle that throw
That’s sailing off-target from Julio Lugo.
Ode to Mike Lowell
Ode to Mike Lowell
by: Big Pupi
Here’s to the World Series MVP
Some call him ‘Mike’, some ‘Grizzly’
Know who he really looks like to me?
That guy from ER- George Clooney!
The Sox took him on as an add-in for Beckett
And ever since he’s been great with the mitt.
These guys always think that they’ve got a hit
Then Lowell steps in and makes them sit.
Not just a glove, but a force at the plate-
I gotta get me some of what Mike Lowell ate
Last year when the season was getting late
And since he’s been off the DL in ’08.
And people forget he brings the Sox together,
Looking like a fisherman hit by bad weather
And growing on his face some sort of heather;
Blasting home runs and flashing the leather.
Did you know that Lowell’s from San Juan?
And looks like he’s related to Genghis Kahn.
Baseballs aren’t the only thing he’s beat on-
He crushed cancer like it was a Bon-Bon.
Mike Lowell is a beast and no one can deny
And shaving cream he will never buy-
You won’t ever see him wearing a tie.
Here’s to Mike Lowell, a stand-up guy!
Big Pupi
Ode to Dustin Pedroia
Ode to Dustin Pedroia
But you lick your lips when you see that high-heat
And turn it around back into the seats.
You suck up ground balls as if you’re a Dyson,
Good thing that you’re bald ‘cuz you’d surely get lice in
Your hair from rolling around in that dirt,
Too bad for the guy who must clean your shirt.
And out in the field you wear lots of necklaces
And dive for ground balls with remarkable recklessness.
You play cribbage with Francona but he always defeats you-
You run so hard, a fielder’s throw rarely beats you.
And in 2007, you were Rookie of the Year,
But accolades like this are not what you care.
You care about winning and swinging so hard
And helping RemDawg sell his no-hitter scorecard-
Like that game when the O’s got no hits off Clay
And your grab at second was the play of the day.
When Pedroia is up, there’s about to be a rally
‘Cuz this kid from ASU don’t play like no Sally.
Ode to Manny
Ode to Manny
by: Big Pupi
Manny, oh Manny, you’re a real bad man-
You jumped in the stands and high-fived a fan
After making a catch with your back to the plate
Then threw the ball in at an astonishing rate
And turned a double-play with Dustin Pedroia-
You never talk to any reporters
Except Jose Mota after that game-ender
That landed on the Pike off some guy’s fender.
You stood like a statue just watching it sail
In the Angel’s coffin you pounded a nail.
You bat over .300 like every year straight
Some pitchers you face just accept their fate
And intentionally walk you or throw inside
Like Kyle Farnsworth, but he can’t hide
From your devastating stare and loaded-up bat,
How do you fit all that hair under your hat?
You go in the Monster to take a leak,
When August comes you’ll hurt your oblique.
But that’s okay because you deserve the rest
Come Playoff time to be at your best
And show everyone that the Playoffs are here
By blasting homeruns with your arms in the air.
-Big Pupi
Arlen Specter Stinks
Since the Sox are off today and the Celts are traveling, I got to thinking about the Patriots. Even though it’s not Poetry Grand-Slam Tuesday, I came up with a sweet diddy about Arlen Specter. Check it:
Bring It, Arlen Specter
by: Big Pupi
Arlen Specter, I hate you so-
The Pats are cleared, just let it go.
Still you sit in DC and complain,
The Rams lost ‘cuz Warner was lame.
And how will you prove the Eagles were taped too?
If you thought they could win, you’re missing a screw.
In Super Bowl 39 with your buddy T.O.
And Donovan McNabb who can’t even throw.
You wanna play a game, well Bill is prepared
And if I were you, I’d be pretty scared.
‘Cuz he’s been taping you for the last 4 years
To expose your weaknesses and your fears.
He’ll beat you bad just like all the others,
Except for those pesky Manning brothers.
Bring it, Specter.
-Big Pupi
Poetry Grand-Slam: Ode to Julian Tavarez
Due to the wide success of my epic poem Ode to Kevin Millar, I’ve decided to try my hand at writing some more poems in my new Tuesday column, “Poetry Grand-Slam”. Today I wax poetic about one of my favorite Red Sox, Julian Tavarez, who stupid Francona designated for assignment yesterday. I’m truly going to miss you, Julian.
Ode to Julian Tavarez
by: Big Pupi
Oh, Julian it’s so sad to see you go,
Designated for assignment by Tito.
Your antics are what we’ll miss the most
So this is why I raise a toast!
To the man who let Manny rub his head-
Your sinker looks like it’s filled with lead.
You point at infielders as they’re making plays,
You punched Joey Gathright of the Rays.
A true team leader in the dugout,
You come and pitch when the game’s a rout.
You broke your hand on a bullpen phone,
Were sent to anger management all alone.
Now you’re gone, maybe back to the DR
Perhaps to become an adult film star.
So angry and so happy all together
You came on the scene like tornado weather.
Now as you leave, you seem so calm
The Red Sox will truly miss your arm.
We love you Julian! Good luck!
-Big Pupi
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