Results tagged ‘ Playoffs ’
My human told me not to try to eat meat cooking on a hot stove, but I haven’t really learned my lesson:
1. Will Beckett be back for Game 3?
Absolutely, I once went hunting with Josh two hours after he strained his oblique and he bagged 7 deer and an antelope. The guy is clutch. Not affected by injury.
2. If Beckett isn’t back for Game 3, will Byrd pitch?
It’s a long way for Byrd to fly from LA back to Boston, so I would say no. I’d say he’ll be able to fly to about Chicago, where he’s invited to stop by my house for dinner.
3. Will Ellsbury win me a taco?
My prediction is that Ellsbury steals 30 bases and tacos fall from the sky. Wait, Taco Bell is giving us tacos, right?
4. Is K-Rod afraid of the Red Sox without Manny?
No, we better score lots of runs early off Lackey, who stinks.
5. Will Papi play first if Lowell is out?
Yes, and when the ump isn’t looking, Varitek will coat the baseballs with pork chop juice. Ortiz has never dropped anything that smells like a pork chop.
6. Who will win the VP debate?
Whoever talks the most about pork-barrel spending, of course. Tasty.
And paper beats rock. I know I’ve been hard on the Rockies the past few days. I’ve said that they have no pitching, no offense, no manager, and that the Denver Broncos have a better chance at beating the Sox. Well, apparently the Rockies have one good player named Matt Holliday so I am sorry if I offended Matt. The rest of you guys still stink like the poo my brother did in front of the elevator this morning.
Like the Rockies tonight, the Red Sox had their backs against the wall in the ALCS because they weren’t clicking as a team. Ever since guys like Dice-K, Pedroia, Youkilis, and Ellsbury stepped up, the Sox have been unstoppable. You can’t win a World Series with one guy, or two guys, or four guys. The Red Sox have proven this. I know it’s not over yet and that the Rockies have been down to one strike before, but Holliday is not going to beat the Sox by himself. He’s Matt Holliday, not Matt Ryan. Holliday may knock Lester around a little, but the Sox clicking on all cylinders are going to pull it out tonight. Sweep. Rockies- maybe build a real baseball team and we’ll see you next year. If the Rockies are the best team in the NL, then the Pirates must be like a Little League team. By the way Taco Bell, I didn’t miss Mike Lowell stealing third last night so I expect 2 free tacos on Tuesday!
Have you guys seen this dog that sits behind home plate with his owner at all the Rockies games? Supposedly he has been to 16 games, including all of the NLDS and NLCS, and the Rockies have won every time. While I am jealous that this dog gets to go to the game and feast on Coors Field hot dogs, I’m a little suspicious of the fact that he thinks he is a good luck charm. I hope to see him on TV this weekend when the Sox visit Denver to face Jake Plummer, or whoever the Rockies have on the mound. I have a feeling that his luck may be just about up. You’re on watch Bailey the lucky dog. You may have marked Coors Field as your territory now, but Manny and Papi are going to come in and take that territory for Red Sox Nation. Better bundle up. Unless you can get me tickets to come to Coors, then maybe we can become friends. But I will still eat your hot dogs.
Sorry I have been out of the loop the past few days. I have been a traveling puppy from Austin to Chicago, where I’m now checking out my new apartment. Boy is it cold here! Me and my brother are big city puppies now. But here are some thoughts I had on the road and couldn’t post them since my human won’t buy me an iPhone:
- No wonder I couldn’t catch Paul Byrd when he was flying around my backyard. He’s a cheater!
- I told my human that I had a pituitary gland condition where I needed to be served 1 piece of steak everyday, but he didn’t buy it.
- Matsuzaka and Drew are worth every penny!
- Lugo still stinks.
- I think Coco Crisp has found his calling- defensive replacement.
- I think Gagne has found his calling- mop-up man.
- Don’t you think it’s weird that Ellsbury always has one cold arm and one warm arm?
Well, I hope my cable gets installed by Wed. night, or I am going to have to troll around town to find a dog friendly bar. What an awesome ALCS! Bark at you guys tomorrow.
I think the reason I like Josh Beckett so much isn’t because he’s the best pitcher in baseball and is largely responsible for bringing the ALCS back to Boston, but because he is just like me. Think about it:
1. We were both born and raised in the Lonestar State.
2. We both love to hunt in Texas. I like to hunt birds and squirrels mostly and Josh loves to hunt deer. I happen to own bright orange hunting gear and I’m always ready for a good hunt if Beckett or Timlin should call.
3. We’re both not distracted by our ex-girlfriends. If I’m roaming my neighborhood and I happen to see one of my exes, I may sniff her butt a little, but my focus is not taken away from the task at hand- marking territory for Red Sox Nation and hunting squirrels.
4. I like to bark at my opponents when I defeat them. Like if my brother is playing with a toy I want, I just go take it and I tell him to go take a seat. If Kenny Lofton had a stick I wanted, I’d take it and tell him that he stinks and to go hit the showers.
5. I celebrate my victories no matter what the score happens to be. If I just feasted on a big bowl of kibble and I’m excited, I’m going to let you know about it by running around in celebration. I don’t care if it’s morning, night, or the second inning. I’m happy so I show it. Well, I guess that is more like Manny.
PS: I’ll bark at you when I can during the games this weekend, I’m going on a road trip with my humans. I love to ride in a truck, just like Josh Beckett.
I’m going to bite the line-up card and tear it into little pieces if I see both Coco Crisp and JD Drew starting tonight. It’s Ellsbury time now. The Sox need a spark from the bottom of their order, someone who looks like he cares and will play hard. JD Drew’s swing is lazier than my humans the morning after they go out to those places where humans party and drink out of toilets. Wake up people! It’s time to play. Forget about Coco Crisp, he is going to be gone anyway. Why not give Ellsbury, the future of the Red Sox, a chance to get some prime playoff experience in hostile territory? If Francona is so worried about hurting Crisp’s feelings, put him as a defensive replacement after Ellsbury drives in 5 runs and steals 2 bases and the Sox are winning. I mean, I do like humans who are named after food, but Coco Crispies will kill me if I eat enough of them. And I’ve sure seen enough of them on my no-smell moving picture box. Write down Ellsbury on that line-up card Tito or I will bite your ankles!
I guess Tim Wakefield didn’t really pitch that bad last night. If he hadn’t tipped that one ball back to the mound, Pedroia would have turned the double play and the Sox would have been out of the 5th giving up only 1 run instead of 7. Just a little bad luck. It’s like when my human is eating a handful of Goldfish crackers and he drops one and it happens to bounce under the stove, robbing me of delicious cheese crunchiness in my mouth. Inches away from feasting. Someday I will move that stove and feast on the treasures beneath.
Anyway, my fellow Texan Josh Beckett will definitely get it done in Game 5 since he is clutch and Cowboys always beat Indians. After that, I don’t know. I say we pitch Beckett on 1 day rest in Game 6 and then probably go with Beckett on 0 days rest in Game 7. Makes sense to me. Either that or we pick up Kevin Millar, have him get his hands all greased up in a bucket of chicken wings, and put him out on the mound. Then we take out Crisp and put in Mike Timlin in center with a shotgun and he can shoot down anything that looks like it’s going to be a homer like he shoots skeet. Extreme situations always call for extreme amounts of chicken wings.
Trot Nixon is awesome. A true dirt dog who can dig down deep andget the clutch hit and take the pressure off his teammates. I felt so
good about these Red Sox until about 2AM last night when I realized
that there are so many players on this team who either don’t contribute
or consistently manage to reverse the contributions of the other guys.
Can the Sox win with Manny, Ortiz, Lowell, Papelbon, and Beckett doing
everything? Can they keep calling on Papelbon to pitch two innings?
Can Beckett pitch Game 4? Can Papi and Manny keep blasting homers and
getting on base 90% of the time? Conventional wisdom says no. It says
that in order for a "team" to win a championship, an unlikely hero
needs to step up a few times to take the pressure off the big guys. An
unlikely hero like, say, Trot Nixon spurring an extra innings rally.
Dave Roberts stealing a base or Bill Mueller driving in the tying run
when the team is about to lose. Mark Bellhorn hitting a homer.
time for some guys to step up here. They know who they are. Stop
making me stay up past my bedtime, it makes me a cranky puppy.
Cowboy Josh Beckett: 1, Indians: 0. Game 1 got me thinking about how I should’ve been a cowboy. I should’ve learned to rope and ride. Wearing my six-shooter, riding my pony on a cattle drive. Have you guys ever heard of Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey? He’s a monkey who rides a dog. He’s popular on the Texas rodeo scene, a pretty cool dude. I’m sure Beckett has seen him at Rodeo Houston when he was growing up.
Anyway, Beckett was great as expected, but the Red Sox won this game because of their patience. You could say that while the Indians had reservations, the Sox came to the plate and waited to be served. They waited for some strikes and didn’t get them. Then they walked away or got so far ahead in the count that C.C. and Company were forced to serve them something they could feast on. On the house. And free food is always the tastiest kind. See you in Game 2.
PS: I totally respect Notre Dame as a great institution… at which to poo on the lawn. Sorry Jeff Weinstein, I know that being respectful and taking the high road makes BC look better than ND, but I just can’t resist a good poo joke. Notre Dame stinks worse than my brother’s carpet poo.
As the Red Sox continue to rest and wait for the ALCS to start, I thought they could use some help getting ready for the series on their last day of preparation. That’s why I pulled together a little ALCS pre-series “to do” list:
- Tito needs to stock up on some Frontline and apply it between the shoulder blades of the entire team. It needs a few days to absorb into the fur of the Red Sox before the series goes to Cleveland. My human puts Frontline on me every month and there ain’t no bugs on me. Frontline is critical. Joe Torre forgot to put it on Joba and it cost Torre his job. Tito can get good prices at PetCareRx.
- Manny needs to get a deep tissue massage on his oblique. Manny’s oblique is key to his rocket monster power generation and lightning fast bat, as we saw in the ALDS. Manny needs to rest that oblique all he can on this last day of preparation so he can use it to scorch one off of John Adams’ drum. I mean Manny’s oblique is as jacked as Polish strongman Mariusz Pudzianowski. Howl at me, Mariusz, my brother Stanislaw loves you!
- The Red Sox clubhouse cooking staff needs to start preparing a ridiculously huge post-game meal for Game 2. I mean like vats of meat, 10 reams of pork chops, and probably a pallet of cheese. The more wimpy Fausto Carmona fastballs Big Papi feasts on, the hungrier he’s going to be for some real manly food. That’s right Fausto, I called you a wimp. What are you going to do? I’ll bite your ankles.
- JD Drew needs to learn how to hit so that he won’t be embarrassed by Trot Nixon, who should be playing in his spot for the Red Sox. I love Trot because he’s always dirty from playing in the mud like me. The Sox and Indians should do one of those pre-series trades where the players just switch dugouts. Has the trade deadline happened yet?
- FOX needs to start digging up some dramatic Red Sox-Indians footage to put together a sweet montage. Isn’t there anything from like 1948 when the Indians eliminated the Sox from the post-season in a one-game playoff? Like Satchel Paige beaning Bobby Doerr or Ted Williams throwing down Bob Feller by the ears or something? C’mon FOX, make it interesting! I want to see Red Sox Manny versus Indians Manny in a fight or something.
As for me, I will be helping my human cook a Playoff size feast on this last day of preparation before the ALCS. By helping I mean sitting there drooling and begging. Bark at you later.