Results tagged ‘ Paul Byrd is tasty ’
So I had a really rough day yesterday. First I had to go to the vet. Then I had to watch Lester get shelled. Even Paul Byrd didn’t look very appetizing. Weird my day was so bad because when I woke up, I thought it was going to be the best day of my life. Finally off the DL because of a toe injury caused by my stupid brother, I got in a quick four-mile hunt, warned some squirrels to stay off my territory and then feasted on some raw meat. Then things just went downhill.
But I woke up today pretty sure that it was going to be the best day of my life. I plan on resting and feasting for most of the day and then watching Wakefield’s knuckler knuckle like a cheesy Dorito flying through the air. And Andy Sonnanstine serve up some tasty turkey meatballs to Jason Bay. And David Archuleta not sing the National Anthem because he sounds worse than a dog whistle. And Craig Sager wear a jacket that will make humans wish they were colorblind like me.
I was having a great day today feasting on raw meat and playing at the Bark Park. Then I checked my email and, to my amazement, saw that the Sox had acquired my long-time nemesis Paul Byrd. Now I have hated Paul Byrd ever since the first day I saw him, perched on a branch in my backyard, nibbling on some sort of seed. He flew away, but being a birddog and able hunter, I vowed to someday catch this creature. And then I saw him pitch in the ’07 Playoffs and realized that he throws like a turkey, even though he is actually some sort of large water fowl. Soon after, word came out that he got caught taking HgH. No wonder he was too fast for me to catch!
And now he’s on the Red Sox. Being a Sox fan, I guess I have to welcome him to our team. In fact, I’d like to invite him over for dinner if he’s interested. And I’d like to offer him some advice as he joins our team. Lay low, Paul Byrd. The Red Sox are like a bird-hunting All-Star team. Timlin, Beckett, Papelbon. It’s like birds have no chance. One thing is for sure, I’ll be intently watching every single pitch Paul Byrd throws the rest of the season, occasionally licking my TV. Paul Byrd in a Red Sox uniform, feathers and all. I never thought I would see the day.
I have to tell you that my mind is blown worse than Julio Lugo’s
fielding that cost us tonight’s game. So last Saturday morning I was
hanging out in my apartment getting ready to go to the Polish Parade
when I heard some banging on my 5th floor apartment window. My brother
and I went over to check it out and to my amazement there was a
human-like creature scaling my building. I mean this guy was flying
like Paul Byrd hopped-up on HgH. If you don’t believe me, check out this evidence of my brother scoping out the scene:
anybody sees this weird breed of flying humans in their neighborhood,
please contact me immediately. I would be very interested to know how
this guy may have gained his flying ability, as it would be quite
useful to me in hunting birds. I’m pretty sure I’d be Mike Timlin’s #1
hunting partner if I could fly and bite birds out of the sky.
While doing some duck hunting in Cleveland after last night’s game, Mike Timlin accidently shot Paul Byrd, who was flying home after losing to the Red Sox. Byrd was placed on the 15-day DL with a broken wing. In related news, Jonathan Papelbon, while doing some pre-game turkey hunting, shot Julio Lugo as he was doing wind-sprints in the outfield at Yankee Stadium. Alex Cora will replace Lugo in tonight’s line-up.
I admit that I was getting ready to go to bed in my crate when none other than Julio Lugo (yes, Julio Lugo) led off the 9th with a double, scored with a little help from Coco and Pedroia, and then Manny smoked a game-winning homer off of John Adams’ drum. I’m feeling a little better about these Sox lately, even with the curse lifted from Yankee Stadium. Don’t forget about Julian Tavarez’s performance tonight with a huge hold after Lester couldn’t get through the 4th. I’ll even admit that Sean Casey is swinging the bat pretty decent, even though I still haven’t seen him on any KFC commercials and Kevin Millar did have 3 RBIs tonight. Still not ready to make amends with Sean Casey, though.