- Bartolo Colon will make his Red Sox pitching debut on Wednesday. The Sox caterers better remember to bring about a dozen extra pork chops for the post-game feast. Colon has the biggest appetite of a Red Sox pitcher since David Wells. I think I’m going to like this guy.
- A-Rod will be back off the DL for the last place Yankees this week. That’s great for me, now I can resume pooping on his lawn without worrying that he’ll be home to catch me.
- I hate horses so I’m not going to talk about Big Brown. Stupid horses- think they rule the street. Whenever I’m walking downtown I see big, smelly horsofficers
telling me not to pee on the sidewalk and such. Just because your poo is huge doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do on my territory.
- A new study out this week found that the US wastes 27% of food available for consumption
. Just want to let everyone know that I consume my entire meals (including bones) plus I regularly eat things not fit for consumption. Just doing my part to save the planet.
- Delonte West’s tattoos scare me. I understand that he needs to be marked so his mom can find him in case he gets lost, but why can’t he just put a chip in his neck like I have?
- Julio Lugo was back this weekend from his mild concussion. Apparently rattling his brain a little didn’t help him remember how to play baseball. Lugo bunted it off himself for an out, ran out of the baseline on base-running gaff, and somehow managed to ground into a double play and not drive in a run during a first and third, 0 out situation.
Back to work,
- Julio Lugo is listed as day-to-day after suffering a slight concussion while sliding into second on Friday. Hopefully the concussion will make him forget how bad he is.
- Jed Lowrie played in Lugo’s spot on Saturday and went 3-4 with 1 HR, 1 RBI, 2 runs scored, and no game-losing errors. Cora, back from the DL, was 3-4 tonight. This means we can finally trade Lugo for exactly what he’s worth- a carton of Dubble Bubble and a cooler of Gatorade.
- Manny has stalled in his quest for 500 homers, stuck at 497 for the past week. It looks as if Youkilis (6 homers in the last 9 games) may beat Manny to 500.
- Despite sweating Gatorade, Garnett and the Celtics lugoed in Cleveland on Saturday and are still yet to win a playoff game on the road. This makes no sense, it’s not like they’re playing in the stupid Metrodome, where the ceiling is so low Kevin Garnett may hit his head on a speaker while jumping for a rebound.
- Walking Adidas billboard Sergio Garcia defeated unsponsored Paul Goydos in a playoff at the Players Championship today. Apparently, Goydos was dropped by his sponsors so he started wearing a Long Beach State hat that he bought at the airport. This would never happen in NASCAR.
- It was great to see the good old Tampa Bay Devil Rays this weekend. Bad pitching, no offense, and a sweep by the Red Sox. For a minute there I thought the Rays re-brand was working.
- Things have just been getting worse for Roger Clemens. After being connected to country singer Mindy McCready
, another affair with John Daly’s ex-wife
has surfaced. When asked about the incident, John Daly responded that he had no idea he had an ex-wife.
- Randy Moss is starting his own NASCAR team
. Upon hearing this, Joe Gibbs, still sour from the Patriots running up the score on him last season, told driver Kyle Busch
to put Randy into the wall.
- Julio Lugo came 10 feet short of hitting his first Major League homer today.
- Did you hear about the 7 year-old kid at Comerica Park who wanted a lemonade, so his dad got him a Mike’s Hard Lemonade?
A security guard caught the kid drinking the hard lemonade and placed the kid in state custody. The father claimed that he just went to the concession stand and asked for a lemonade and had no idea that hard lemonade existed. You know the Tigers are bad when even their kid fans start drinking.
- Microsoft withdrew it’s bid for Yahoo! this weekend. The Atlanta Hawks also withdrew their bid to knock off the Celtics, letting the Washington Generals
play in their place in Game 7