Results tagged ‘ Mike Timlin is a great hunter ’

Trying to Stay Positive

Watching the Red Sox lately is like going to the kennel.  I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s harder than a Nylabone.  And now Manny may be gone? I actually had to think really long about some things to be happy about.  Here’s some ideas:

1.  The Yanks traded Farnsworth for Pudge.  Am I the only one that thinks this was a stupid trade by the Yanks?  I’m afraid of Farnsworth.  Pudge is only like 1 year younger than Posada and will likely stink.  I will eat my words if Pudge propels the Yanks into the postseason. My words are meat, cheese, Polish sausage, and pierogies.  I promise I will eat them.

2.  Julio Lugo is still on the DL so we don’t have to watch that bum.  One could make the argument that the Sox are 4-8 since Lugo has been gone, not to mention the fact that Lugo’s best buddy Manny has spun completely out of control while Lugo hasn’t been around.  I will not make that argument, however.  At least Lowrie is getting some time to develop.

3.  Fenway still sells Fenway Franks.

4.  The Red Sox are still ahead of the Orioles.

5.  The Red Sox play Oakland and KC this week, who stink.

6.  We don’t have to play the Angels anymore.  Maybe not even in the Playoffs.

7.  Football season is almost here.

Time to take my anger out on a stuffed rabbit dog toy.

-Big Pupi 

8 Reasons Why the Yankees are Lame

1.  The Yankees never get their uniforms dirty.  Have you ever seen Jeter with even a speck of mud on his pretty pants?  Youkilis is dirty and sweaty before the game even starts.  The guy practices head first slides during warm-ups.

2.  The Yankees have the personality of a dead field mouse.  For a multi-millionaire playboy who hooked-up with Madonna, you’d think A-Rod would be a little more interesting to hear talk.  I mean everything Manny does is super interesting.
3.  The Yankees aren’t allowed to have facial hair, except mustaches.  Mustaches?  You can only have one kind of facial hair and you pick mustaches?  This is not 1972.  Goatees are where it’s at.
4.  The Yankees are wicked old.  Jorge Posada is older than a sea tortoise and runs like one too.  Clay Buchholz is like 14, a young stud.
5.  The Yankees got their muscles by shooting steroids in their bums.  The Red Sox got their muscles by eating raw meat.
6.  Jason Giambi wears a thong under his jersey.  Mike Timlin wears camouflage hunting gear under his jersey.  
7.  A-Rod wears purple lip gloss.  Dustin Pedroia wears dirt for chapstick.
8.  The Yankees eat like little girls.  I guess Joba could put up some slight competition, but when it really comes down to it, David Ortiz and Bartolo Colon would absolutely destroy the Yankees in a pork chop eating contest.

-Big Pupi

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Deep Thoughts Wednesday

I have to tell you that my mind is blown worse than Julio Lugo’s
fielding that cost us tonight’s game.  So last Saturday morning I was
hanging out in my apartment getting ready to go to the Polish Parade
when I heard some banging on my 5th floor apartment window.  My brother
and I went over to check it out and to my amazement there was a
human-like creature scaling my building.  I mean this guy was flying
like Paul Byrd hopped-up on HgH.  If you don’t believe me, check out this evidence of my brother scoping out the scene:

If
anybody sees this weird breed of flying humans in their neighborhood,
please contact me immediately.  I would be very interested to know how
this guy may have gained his flying ability, as it would be quite
useful to me in hunting birds.  I’m pretty sure I’d be Mike Timlin’s #1
hunting partner if I could fly and bite birds out of the sky.

Thinking hard,
Big Pupi

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Vernon Wells 1 for 3, Sox Win Again

Vernon Wells does have a cannon, but it wasn’t enough to gun down Manny and his aerodynamic hair as the Sox walked-off with another win tonight.  Moss was a hoss and Ortiz brought the thunder, both with his bat and his running around the bases.  I swear that my apartment floor was shaking when Papi rounded first after his single in the 9th.  Let’s hope that running didn’t cause another injury.  I’m so glad Varitek ended that game before extra innings because 1. We don’t want to wear Pap out with Oki struggling, 2. I had a huge poo in my bum that I really needed to take care of.  Here’s a few other thoughts I had tonight:

- Is Bank of America Red Sox banking or Yankees banking?  Because when I watch the Sox on NESN, the ads behind home plate tell me they’re Red Sox banking.  When I flip to YES to watch the Yanks, the ads behind home plate tell me they’re Yankees banking.  Which one is it?  This is important because I really don’t want to keep my most valuable pieces of cheese in Bank of America if my cheese has a chance of rubbing up against A-Rod’s money.
- Speaking of the Yanks, they lost again to Detroit and A-Rod is on the 15-day DL.  You can thank me for that.  I was peeing on his lawn the other day and I accidently left my spiky dinosaur chew toy in his driveway.  That thing really hurts when you step on it.
- Does anyone else think BJ Ryan looks exactly like a young Mike Timlin minus the camouflage undershirt?
Gotta go watch the end of the Celts game,
Big Pupi
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Red Sox Nation, Relax

After yet another frustrating game tonight, I know there’s some major unrest in Red Sox Nation.  I admit that I have also contributed to the negativity lately.  But then I remembered that every morning when I wake up and crawl out of my crate, I truly believe it’s the best day of my life.  Maybe it’s because I eat raw turkey necks for breakfast, or maybe I’m just an optimistic pup.  Either way, I’m going to stay positive and point out all the good things that are happening with the Red Sox:

1.  Julio Lugo actually drove in a run (his first RBI of the year).  Although his RBI came on a kind of fluke bloop hit, this proves that Lugo is not purposely trying to get out with men in scoring position (even though he did hit into a key double-play when the Sox were rallying).
2.  Julian Tavarez hasn’t punched anyone in the face yet this year.  He also hasn’t punched any bullpen phones.  This is great news because we need Tavarez not to break his hand as he emerges as the anchor of the Sox middle relief (0.00 ERA in 3 innings pitched).
3.  Mike Timlin has recovered from his hunting injury and rejoins the team on Friday, which means we don’t have to deal with Bryan Corey anymore.
4.  Fenway Park still serves Fenway Franks.
5.  It’s statistically impossible for David Ortiz’s batting average to drop any lower.
6.  Eric Gagne is still blowing saves in Milwaukee, so it was good we got rid of him.
7.  Once Tito pulls Wakefield tomorrow and the bullpen lets the game get out of hand, there’s always the BC Eagles in the Frozen Four to watch!
Happy hunting,
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Off Day

The Sox have a day off and I hope Tito and company are giving some long, hard thought to their Toronto debacle.  Here’s my thoughts on the situation:

1.  Why doesn’t Tito just let his starters pitch?  Beckett is a beast and he gets into one jam with 2 outs and 95 pitches and Tito pulls him?  Just in time for Delcarmen to come in and serve Frank Thomas a delicious veal parm grinder on the first pitch.  They don’t call him The Big Hurt because it hurts when he sits on your tail, even though it does.  Keep Beckett in!  He’s hunted deer bigger than The Big Hurt no problem.  I wanted to bite Tito’s ankles when he gave Beckett the hook.

2.  Kyle Snyder is designated for assignment?  Seriously?  This makes as much sense as acquiring Sean Casey.  My fellow Texan Kyle Snyder (3.81 ERA in 54.1 innings in 2007) has been nothing but a stand-up mop-up man since coming to the Red Sox after being designated for assignment by the Royals.  Why not send Bryan Corey and his 11.25 ERA southbound 95 to make room for Beckett.  Corey is going to Pawtucket anyway when Timlin recovers from his hunting injury.  There is no need to cut guys.  Let things play out until Timlin comes back.  Who knows, someone could get injured in the meantime.  Manny could break a dreadlock or Julio Lugo could throw his arm out trying to get the ball to first.

3.  Speaking of Lugo, someone needs to feed this guy.  He weighs 87 pounds and is too feeble to throw a ball from shortstop to first.  If he needs some help building muscle, I could introduce him to the Bones and Raw Food Diet.  Kevin Millar eats it and he’s batting .389.

Feast Hard,
Big Pupi

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I’m on the DL

Recently, I was hunting squirrels while tied around the waist of my human and I cut the pad of one of my paws on some gravel, putting me on the DL.  I’m mad that I can’t go hunting for a couple days, especially since yesterday was the first nice day of the year in Chicago.  However, it’s cool to have an injury much like Mike Timlin’s contusion on his right index finger, which he also suffered while hunting.  Just wanted to let everyone know, in case you have me on your Fantasy Team or something.  Even though I’m on the DL, I’m still better than Julio Lugo (0-4, 3 errors today).

Big Pupi

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