Results tagged ‘ Kevin Millar ’
Trade Kevin Millar!
Kevin Millar almost did us in last night in the ninth even though we had a big lead. This guy is the real deal. We are lucky he only bats once in the order. Anyway, all Sox fans should sign the online Petition to Trade Kevin Millar. We need him either to come to the Red Sox, or at least get traded out of the AL East so we don’t have to face his offensive firepower 20 times per year. Plus he could hurt somebody and we already have enough players on the DL.
Big Pupi
KFC: Tasty Food, Awful Marketing
So
I’ve been watching these recent Sox-O’s games on MASN (sorry, RemDawg!)
hoping to see Kevin Millar in a new commercial for my current favorite
food, KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy. Instead of
seeing the King of Selling Chicken, all I’ve seen are these stupid
commercials with humans sitting around the table with the new Crispy. Well this worries me. I
love the KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy and I’m genuinely afraid that if KFC
Chief Marketing Officer James O’Reilly doesn’t step up KFC’s game, people
won’t buy the new Crispy and it will be discontinued. Since I spend the majority of my day thinking about eating chicken, I consider myself an expert in fried chicken marketing. Please, KFC, take my advice on how to turn around the KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy marketing campaign:
1. Hire Kevin Millar as your spokesman immediately. Millar bathes in KFC chicken wing grease. This guy can get a vegan to chow down a whole bucket of the new Crispy. I have no idea what a vegan is. Forget this family style picnic advertising theme. Nobody buys it. People want to see that Millar likes it and then they will like it too.
2. Step up your in-store front window advertising. You need to promote KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy at eye-level in your store windows. By eye-level, I mean my eye-level. I am 1 foot tall. There’s this place in my neighborhood called Chicken Planet that does a great job with store window advertising. See example below.
3. Your interactive KFC Smoky Chipotle landing page is lame-O. I’m supposed to find the chipotle spices on some island or something? Boring. If you want to do something really innovative, how about design a landing page that actually smells like chicken. Instead of letting people move the piece of chicken through a maze with their mouse, let them move it into their mouth.
Trust me KFC, I know my chicken. I would hate to see the new Crispy flop, so please heed my advice. Also mail me a bucket. Thank you.
Feast hard,
Brawl Aftermath
I admit I missed the Sox-Rays brawl yesterday because I was at US Cellular Park eating Comiskey Dogs. Mmmm, Comiskey Dogs. However, I thought this brawl was awesome and I totally defend all that made it happen. You know, sometimes fights break out at the dog park and we all like to get involved. Did you notice Julio Lugo trying to break up the fight the whole time? Just another reason why we should cut this guy. The way I feel is that if Shields bites you in the bum, you should bite him back. So for the Red Sox, Crisp was suspended for 7 games, Jon Lester for 5, and Sean “Mayor McCheese” Casey for 3 games. Mike Timlin was also suspended for 1 game for bringing hunting rifles to a fist fight. Kevin Millar suffered the hardest punishment, getting suspended for 10 games for running from Baltimore and hitting Akinori Iwamura in the head with a KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy drumstick. Iwamura suffered a concussion from the impact. After the fight, Youkilis got into it with Manny in the dugout since Manny was peeing in the Green Monster during the fight and missed it. Whatever, sometimes I bite my brother when he takes my toys. We’re still friends, though!
KFC Unveils New Fried Chicken Flavor, Kevin Millar Spokesman
This week, KFC added a new fried chicken flavor to its menu, the Smoky Chipotle Crispy! Smoky Chipotle Crispy joins Original Recipe and Extra Crispy and is the first new KFC fried chicken flavor introduced in decades! I have to get my paws on some Smoky! According to KFC Chief Marketing Officer James O’Reilly, “We don’t take fried chicken flavor introductions lightly at KFC, and
we took our time to painstakingly perfect this new recipe.” I eat a lot of delicious raw chicken wings that my humans get for me at the Polish meat packing store, but O’Reilly makes the Smoky Chipotle Crispy sound wicked tasty!
So I’m assuming that CMO O’Reilly hired Kevin Millar to be the spokesman for the new Smoky Chipotle Crispy seeing that Millar is the best chicken salesman on the planet. I still remember back when I was a puppy in 2003 and Millar got me hooked on KFC during his Red Sox game commercials. So I’m really hoping that my MLB Extra Innings shows me the Baltimore broadcast for this weekend’s Sox-Orioles series. I’d love to get a glimpse of Millar chowing down some Smoky Chipotle Crispy on a Mid-Atlantic KFC commercial, even if the new flavor isn’t wearing red socks this time. If you’re reading this, James O’Reilly, drop me a comment or email. I know the perfect spokesdog for your new blend. And you can pay me in chicken!
Yum!
Big Pupi
Deep Thoughts Wednesday- Tavarez DFA’d
I just was hanging around today watching a little Animal Planet and wondering who can pitch for the Sox now that Buchholz is on the DL. We sure could use a good substitute-starter, such as Julian Tavarez. I wish we had guys like that. I got to thinking about how Tito’s bonehead (tasty) move to designate Tavarez for assignment could actually bring some good. That’s when I came up with a blockbuster trade, like Nomar trade style. Apparently the Rockies have been interested in Julian, but the Rockies obviously stink so forget them. Check this trade out:
We trade Tavarez, Julio Lugo, and Sean Casey to the Orioles for Kevin Millar.
I know this trade sounds a little lopsided in favor of the Red Sox. The Orioles are probably going to want us to throw in some cash and players to be named later since obtaining Millar is like getting the offensive firepower of 7 players. But this trade makes perfect sense for all parties involved. The Orioles need pitching and a shortstop. This will give Lugo a chance for a fresh start in a new city. Unfortunately, we’ll have to get rid of Casey, but he will need to move in order to make room for Millar. Kind of like how Tavarez had to move in order to make room for Van Every. Millar will be back in his favorite town, throwing down chicken wings like old times. He could sub for Youkilis and Lowell. And Brandon Moss and Coco and JD Drew. We won’t need Van Every, so we should just give him to the Orioles too. Even if Millar doesn’t play everyday, he could just sit in the dugout and feast on chicken wings. He could wipe his hands on Ellsbury to make him greasy, thus harder to catch while stealing. Think about it, Theo!
Bring back Millar!!
Big Pupi
Falcons Pick Least Likely Player to Start Dog-Fighting Ring
Just a quick congrats to Matt Ryan of the BC Eagles for going #3 to Atlanta in the NFL draft today. Matt Ryan is one my favorite humans, along with Kevin Millar and Jacoby Ellsbury. This is what I think of Michael Vick.
Food Fight!
I was pretty disappointed that Josh Beckett didn’t bean any Yankees after Farnsworth threw head-high behind Manny because Manny kept hitting homers every time he was up. I really thought Beckett was going plunk Johnny Damon, but Josh just kept his cool and just went on getting Yankees out. I thought someone should have at least thrown some food. Like Ortiz could have chucked a pork chop at Jason Giambi or something. Mmmm, pork chops. Anyway, I’ll look forward to some retaliation in the next Sox/Yanks series. And pork chops.
Kevin Millar notes: Micheal Kay told me that Millar was the last person to hit 3 homers off the Yanks in one game, something Manny almost did tonight. Millar also had a Web Gem on Baseball Tonight.
Big Pupi
Squirrel Shirts!
Manny is a Bad Man
I admit that I was getting ready to go to bed in my crate when none other than Julio Lugo (yes, Julio Lugo) led off the 9th with a double, scored with a little help from Coco and Pedroia, and then Manny smoked a game-winning homer off of John Adams’ drum. I’m feeling a little better about these Sox lately, even with the curse lifted from Yankee Stadium. Don’t forget about Julian Tavarez’s performance tonight with a huge hold after Lester couldn’t get through the 4th. I’ll even admit that Sean Casey is swinging the bat pretty decent, even though I still haven’t seen him on any KFC commercials and Kevin Millar did have 3 RBIs tonight. Still not ready to make amends with Sean Casey, though.
Off Day
The Sox have a day off and I hope Tito and company are giving some long, hard thought to their Toronto debacle. Here’s my thoughts on the situation:
1. Why doesn’t Tito just let his starters pitch? Beckett is a beast and he gets into one jam with 2 outs and 95 pitches and Tito pulls him? Just in time for Delcarmen to come in and serve Frank Thomas a delicious veal parm grinder on the first pitch. They don’t call him The Big Hurt because it hurts when he sits on your tail, even though it does. Keep Beckett in! He’s hunted deer bigger than The Big Hurt no problem. I wanted to bite Tito’s ankles when he gave Beckett the hook.
2. Kyle Snyder is designated for assignment? Seriously? This makes as much sense as acquiring Sean Casey. My fellow Texan Kyle Snyder (3.81 ERA in 54.1 innings in 2007) has been nothing but a stand-up mop-up man since coming to the Red Sox after being designated for assignment by the Royals. Why not send Bryan Corey and his 11.25 ERA southbound 95 to make room for Beckett. Corey is going to Pawtucket anyway when Timlin recovers from his hunting injury. There is no need to cut guys. Let things play out until Timlin comes back. Who knows, someone could get injured in the meantime. Manny could break a dreadlock or Julio Lugo could throw his arm out trying to get the ball to first.
3. Speaking of Lugo, someone needs to feed this guy. He weighs 87 pounds and is too feeble to throw a ball from shortstop to first. If he needs some help building muscle, I could introduce him to the Bones and Raw Food Diet. Kevin Millar eats it and he’s batting .389.
Feast Hard,
Big Pupi
Sean Casey, Bryan Corey, and FOX Sports Stink
I’m glad FOX blacked-out today’s Red Sox game in my region (Chicago, IL). This usually makes me mad since I feel as if I should be able to watch every game as an Extra Innings subscriber, but today I was happy I missed it. I spent my afternoon playing outside with my humans and feasting on raw venison treats. Sean Casey spent his afternoon blowing the game for Texas Tornado Clay Buchholz. Bryan Corey spent his afternoon serving up tasty meatballs to Toronto hitters. First of all, I don’t want to say ‘I told you so, Theo’, but the Sox don’t need Sean Casey. Kevin Millar would have snatched that grounder, turned a double-play, and ate a bucket of KFC drumsticks and thighs at the same time. Sean Casey, on the other hand, turned it into a 2-run error, blew a good start for Buchholz, and didn’t eat one piece of chicken while doing it. Second of all, Bryan Corey stinks like the poo my brother did in the elevator this morning. I’m going to start calling him Bryan Sorry, see you in Pawtucket tomorrow. His ERA must be like 15, worse than David Aardvark.
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