This week the Sox host the not-so-lovable losers, the Kansas City Royals. I was running around the dog park today and I came up with some Royal funnies:
1. What is the difference between my poo and the Kansas City Royals?
My poo gets scooped and the Royals get swept.
2. How can the Royals get good?
They should pull a Tampa Bay, re-brand and call themselves the Roys.
3. What is the difference between Manny and Royals left-fielder Esteban German?
German made a basket catch, jumped up into the stands, but couldn’t find anyone to high-five.
4. How many Royals fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Actually, Royals fans don’t change light bulbs. Kansas City has been in the dark since George Brett retired.
Ok, so I’ve been bashing Julio Lugo pretty hard despite the fact he’s out with a head injury. So I promise to lay off the guy for the time being. That is, after this week’s jokes:
1. How did the Red Sox trainers know that Lugo suffered a concussion on Friday night?
They asked him how many hits he had that night. When Lugo answered “3″, they knew he was clearly delusional.
2. What did Julio Lugo do for his mom on Mother’s Day?
He sat the game out as to avoid causing her further embarrassment.
3. Did you know that there are some people who are happy Tito is sticking with Lugo at short?
They’re called Yankees fans.
4. How many Julio Lugos does it take to change a light bulb?
4- 2 to carry the light bulb up the ladder (since Lugo is so feeble)
1 to backup Lugo so that when he juggles the light bulb it doesn’t smash on the floor
1 to observe the situation while conveying a complete lack of personality
That’s all, folks. I am done with Lugo. Feast hard!
Kevin Youkilis and the Red Sox beat the Tigers and their drunken kid fans tonight 6-3. Here’s your Monday jokes, this time having to do with Roger Clemens. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved Roger ever since he told those suits up on Capitol Hill he had no idea what a vegan was. I have no idea what a vegan is either.
1. What do you do if you just had an accident on the carpet and your mom’s about to come home?
You admit to having the accident and apologize immediately in order to avoid a Congressional perjury hearing and so your mom doesn’t find out about all those girl dogs you’ve been hooking up with.
2. What do Roger Clemens and his dog have in common?
Neither can find their balls.
3. What happens when a vegan takes steriods?
He gets soyd-rage!
4. How many Jose Cansecos does it take to change a light-bulb?
Five- 1 to change the light-bulb
1 to continue bashing his wife’s car while the light-bulb is getting changed
1 to keep an eye on his pet land tortoise