Results tagged ‘ free tacos ’
Since Tacoby Bellsbury and Taco-co Crisp were unfairly eliminated from the World Series, I’m a little nervous that no one will win me a free taco this year. Since I’ve watched a total of 0 Phillies’ games this year (well I did watch Manny bat in the NLCS), I decided to do some research into what kind of running game this team has and which Phillie can possibly make it rain free tacos. Here’s my findings:
1. Jimmy Rollins (SS)- If a Phillie is going to win me a taco, Rollins is likely the man to do it. He has 47 stolen bases this year. We just need him to get on base.
2. Shane Victorino (CF)- If Rollins can’t bring the feast, Victorino may be able to. 36 steals on the year. Unlike Taco-co, Victorino prefers not to start fights with pitchers who throw at him. This bodes well for him not getting thrown out of the game and keeping my free taco hopes alive.
3. Chase Utley (2B)- With a name like Chase, you’d think this guy could run. Not so much with only 14 steals on the season. I’d say Chase has an outside chance of opening Taco Bell’s coffers.
4. Ryan Howard (1B)- Too fat to run. 1 steal on the season, which was likely a fluke. Howard should mail me a coupon for a free Subway grinder to make up for his 0% chance of winning me a taco.
5. Pat Burrell (LF)- Is it even possible to steal 0 bases in a season? I mean, not even a defensive indifference or something? Burrell is lame.
6. Geoff Jenkins (RF)- Never heard of this guy, but apparently he doesn’t know how to run. Perhaps he needs a bite in the bum to get moving. 1 steal on the season.
7. Pedro Feliz (3B)- More like Pedro Please get moving. You stink. 0 steals on the season.
8. Carlos Ruiz (C)- While unlikely to steal a base himself (1 on the season), the Phillies catcher can still help out the cause by letting Carl Crawford steal on him. Put it in your pocket, Carlos!
9. Cole Hamels (P)- Oddly enough, pitchers bat in the NL. How lame is that? One less potential base-stealer in the line-up! Anyway, even if Hamels gets on base, there is no way he is risking messing up his hair by sliding into second.
As you can see, the Phillies’ order is extremely top-heavy. If Rollins or Victorino don’t get on base, we will likely starve.
Play hard. Feast harder.
Free taco count: 4*
1. Magically delicious.
2. The best part of last night’s game was when Papelbon destroyed Craig Sager’s orange jacket by spraying champagne all over it. Sager now only has his one lime green jacket for the whole ALCS.
3. Mark Kotsay is like my new favorite player on the Sox. He looks like Russell Crowe and every time he makes contact he hits a scorcher that could puncture a hole in my steel water bowl.
4. There’s only one October. Might as well try a suicide squeeze to win the game.
5. It doesn’t matter if Varitek had possession or not. If you whiff a bunt during a crazy suicide squeeze with the game on the line, you deserve to be out.
6. Do you think Lugo could have come through in the 9th?
7. Too bad we didn’t get to see a walk-off inside the park homerun.
*Although I haven’t seen any ads, I’m assuming that Taco Bell is running their “Steal a Base, Steal a Taco” campaign once again this year. I’m also assuming that for every base Ellsbury steals in the Playoffs, America earns another free taco (and Crisp too). I’m just keeping a tally in case I have to write Taco Bell’s Chief Marketing Officer David Ovens to get us our free tacos.
See you in Tampa,
Free taco count: 2
- There’s only one October, Guerrero, you may want to learn how to run. Take a lesson from Jacoby Ellsbury.
- Where’s Jose Mota when you need him? What’s up with orange jacket guy asking lame post-game questions? Mota must have hit the big time after his ground-breaking Manny interview last year. By big time I mean not working for TBS.
- I haven’t watched TBS since the last ALDS. What makes you think I’m going to start watching FrankTV now? Stop harrassing me FrankTV!
- Sorry Cal, I don’t want to learn how to hit a sinker at 2 in the morning.
- Jason Bay is well-spoken.
- Someone should have told Lackey not to throw Bay the high-heat. I wasn’t sure if Bay was going to hit that pitch out or eat it for dinner.
- Someone should tell Marshall not to throw Manny a pitch away in the dirt. Manny was totally sitting on that pitch.
- I think Lowell and Drew should take the next game off.
- Our middle relief is shakier than my tail at breakfast time. Hopefully Dice-K can pitch more than 5-innings. I think we should put him on a 200 pitch limit.
Since Ellsbury just blasted a homer off Halladay to give the Red Sox the lead, I thought this was a good time to write about how much I love this guy. I’ll never forget the time he won me a free taco, which I enthusiastically feasted on (the highlight of last season). Now I find out that Ellsbury ate 5 meals a day and slept 10 hours a night all off-season. Jacoby really knows how to roll. I’ve always been a firm believer in how eating and sleeping is the key to winning. Ellsbury also loves to run hard and jump high just like me. Jacoby Ellsbury is the best player I’ve seen since Kevin Millar.