Red Sox Poems
By popular demand, all of Big Pupi's best Red Sox Poems in one post:
Ode to Manny
by: Big Pupi
Manny, oh Manny, you're a real bad man-
You jumped in the stands and high-fived a fan
After making a catch with your back to the plate
Then threw the ball in at an astonishing rate
And turned a double-play with Dustin Pedroia-
You never talk to any reporters
Except Jose Mota after that game-ender
That landed on the Pike off some guy's fender.
You stood like a statue just watching it sail
In the Angel's coffin you pounded a nail.
You bat over .300 like every year straight
Some pitchers you face just accept their fate
And intentionally walk you or throw inside
Like Kyle Farnsworth, but he can't hide
From your devastating stare and loaded-up bat,
How do you fit all that hair under your hat?
You go in the Monster to take a leak,
When August comes you'll hurt your oblique.
But that's okay because you deserve the rest
Come Playoff time to be at your best
And show everyone that the Playoffs are here
By blasting homeruns with your arms in the air.
Ode to Jacoby Ellsbury
by: Big Pupi
It's time for an ode to the man named Jacoby
Who runs faster than Flash, which is made by Adobe
He should be an All-Star, just like Fukudome
He won me a taco, that's why he's my homey.
He steals bases like a thief in a bandana,
Faster than a gazelle from the African savanna
Robbing the Rays down at Tropicana-
I'm glad we didn't trade him for Johan Santana.
Part Native-American from the Pacific Northwest
Since coming to the Bigs he's really progressed.
And in the 2007 Playoffs he passed the test-
Now all the ladies want to show him their chests.
He worked hard all winter and put on some weight
Spending some time in the Beaver State
I want to put "JACOBY" on my license plate,
Man do I savor that taco I ate.
So here's to Jacoby, the future of the Sox
He's faster and sleeker than an Arctic fox
Stronger and works harder than a farming ox,
And one day we'll see him on a Wheaties' box.
Ode to Kevin Youkilis
by: Big Pupi
Kevin Youkilis, you're a pretty good guy
Trying to stay in when hit in the eye
In between innings while warming up;
At least you didn't get hit in the cup.
And the day before you had a walk-off blast
That in 13 innings moved the Red Sox past
The Cardinals who we smoked in '04
When you were just getting you foot in the door.
You moved to first base and you really perspire
You play every day, but never seem to tire,
And for 238 games you didn't have an error-
Can Lugo say that? The answer is never.
Once in a while, you'll get really mad
And throw stuff around the dugout a tad,
But that's because you play so intense
Ripping line-drives over the fence,
Walking so much you're like always on base,
Growing a small rodent on your face.
Getting all dirty and not taking a bath,
Using Gatorade coolers to take out your wrath.
Youk, you wear emotion all over your sleeve-
Helmets and shin-guards you love to heave.
Thanks Kevin for playing so hard-
You're dirty before stepping onto the yard.
And we count on you to handle that throw
That's sailing off-target from Julio Lugo.
Ode to Mike Lowell
by: Big Pupi
Here's to the World Series MVP
Some call him 'Mike', some 'Grizzly'
Know who he really looks like to me?
That guy from ER- George Clooney!
The Sox took him on as an add-in for Beckett
And ever since he's been great with the mitt.
These guys always think that they've got a hit
Then Lowell steps in and makes them sit.
Not just a glove, but a force at the plate-
I gotta get me some of what Mike Lowell ate
Last year when the season was getting late
And since he's been off the DL in '08.
And people forget he brings the Sox together,
Looking like a fisherman hit by bad weather
And growing on his face some sort of heather;
Blasting home runs and flashing the leather.
Did you know that Lowell's from San Juan?
And looks like he's related to Genghis Kahn.
Baseballs aren't the only thing he's beat on-
He crushed cancer like it was a Bon-Bon.
Mike Lowell is a beast and no one can deny
And shaving cream he will never buy-
You won't ever see him wearing a tie.
Here's to Mike Lowell, a stand-up guy!
Ode to Dustin Pedroia
by: Big Pupi
But you lick your lips when you see that high-heat
And turn it around back into the seats.
You suck up ground balls as if you're a Dyson,
Good thing that you're bald 'cuz you'd surely get lice in
Your hair from rolling around in that dirt,
Too bad for the guy who must clean your shirt.
And out in the field you wear lots of necklaces
And dive for ground balls with remarkable recklessness.
You play cribbage with Francona but he always defeats you-
You run so hard, a fielder's throw rarely beats you.
And in 2007, you were Rookie of the Year,
But accolades like this are not what you care.
You care about winning and swinging so hard
And helping RemDawg sell his no-hitter scorecard-
Like that game when the O's got no hits off Clay
And your grab at second was the play of the day.
When Pedroia is up, there's about to be a rally
'Cuz this kid from ASU don't play like no Sally.
by: Big Pupi
Arlen Specter, I hate you so-
The Pats are cleared, just let it go.
Still you sit in DC and complain,
The Rams lost 'cuz Warner was lame.
And how will you prove the Eagles were taped too?
If you thought they could win, you're missing a screw.
In Super Bowl 39 with your buddy T.O.
And Donovan McNabb who can't even throw.
You wanna play a game, well Bill is prepared
And if I were you, I'd be pretty scared.
'Cuz he's been taping you for the last 4 years
To expose your weaknesses and your fears.
He'll beat you bad just like all the others,
Except for those pesky Manning brothers.
Bring it, Specter.
by: Big Pupi
Oh, Julian it's so sad to see you go,
Designated for assignment by Tito.
Your antics are what we'll miss the most
So this is why I raise a toast!
To the man who let Manny rub his head-
Your sinker looks like it's filled with lead.
You point at infielders as they're making plays,
You punched Joey Gathright of the Rays.
A true team leader in the dugout,
You come and pitch when the game's a rout.
You broke your hand on a bullpen phone,
Were sent to anger management all alone.
Now you're gone, maybe back to the DR
Perhaps to become an adult film star.
So angry and so happy all together
You came on the scene like tornado weather.
Now as you leave, you seem so calm
The Red Sox will truly miss your arm.
Ode to Kevin Millar
By: Big Pupi
Back in the day you said "Cowboy, Up"
You caught my eye when I was a pup.
Then you ate wings from KFC
And I almost jumped right through the TV.
And people forget on the brink of defeat
When Dave Roberts saved the Sox with his feet
That you were the one for whom he pinch ran
And that was when the comeback began.
And then you were gone way down the coast,
But miss the days you loved baseball most.
Blasting home runs and raining down hits
You led a band that they called idiots.
A Texan who was Born in the USA
The faithful hope there will come a day
When Number 15 hangs up there with 8
And generations will know that Millar was great.
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