Manny to the Dodgers.  Jason Bay to the Red Sox.  Brandon Moss and Craig Hansen to the Pirates.  This trade is more ridiculous than the time my human made me fast because my stomach was sick.  I need to take some time off from the Sox.  Hunt some squirrels, eat some raw meat.  You know, connect with nature.

 

1. Manny would just look silly in a Marlins uniform.  His dreadlocks don't happen to match aquamarine green, a color I have never seen in nature.  At least not any nature I've eaten.
2. If Manny is in left and he has to pee, where would he go?  In his pants?
3. If Manny is in left and he has to make a cell phone call, where would he go?
4. Hitting a game-winning homer off Nationals' closer Joel Hanrahan to secure a 3^rd place finish in the NL East isn't as exciting as hitting a game-winning homer off K-Rod in the Playoffs.
5. The Marlins already have a Ramirez.
6. I'm not sure Manny would be able to focus while there are girls in the hot tub in the stands at Dolphin Stadium.
7. What's the fun in hitting homers if they don't smash people's windshields that are driving down the Pike?

-Big Pupi

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Big Pupi's Platform

No deal yet.  Maybe Manny will be traded for Brett Favre.  Keep your finger crossed that this thing doesn't go through.  Jason Bay has never even sniffed a post season, nevermind came through in the clutch in the Playoffs.  I'm off to work.  And by work, I mean a nap.

-Big Pupi

On what could be Manny's last night in Boston, I look back to better days:

Ode to Manny
by: Big Pupi

Manny, oh Manny, you're a real bad man-
You jumped in the stands and high-fived a fan
After making a catch with your back to the plate
Then threw the ball in at an astonishing rate
And turned a double-play with Dustin Pedroia-
You never talk to any reporters
Except Jose Mota after that game-ender
That landed on the Pike off some guy's fender.
You stood like a statue just watching it sail
In the Angel's coffin you pounded a nail.
You bat over .300 like every year straight
Some pitchers you face just accept their fate
And intentionally walk you or throw inside
Like Kyle Farnsworth, but he can't hide
From your devastating stare and loaded-up bat,
How do you fit all that hair under your hat?
You go in the Monster to take a leak,
When August comes you'll hurt your oblique.
But that's okay because you deserve the rest
Come Playoff time to be at your best
And show everyone that the Playoffs are here
By blasting homeruns with your arms in the air.

Watching the Red Sox lately is like going to the kennel.  I'm trying to stay positive, but it's harder than a Nylabone.  And now Manny may be gone? I actually had to think really long about some things to be happy about.  Here's some ideas:

1.  The Yanks traded Farnsworth for Pudge.  Am I the only one that thinks this was a stupid trade by the Yanks?  I'm afraid of Farnsworth.  Pudge is only like 1 year younger than Posada and will likely stink.  I will eat my words if Pudge propels the Yanks into the postseason. My words are meat, cheese, Polish sausage, and pierogies.  I promise I will eat them.

2.  Julio Lugo is still on the DL so we don't have to watch that bum.  One could make the argument that the Sox are 4-8 since Lugo has been gone, not to mention the fact that Lugo's best buddy Manny has spun completely out of control while Lugo hasn't been around.  I will not make that argument, however.  At least Lowrie is getting some time to develop.

3.  Fenway still sells Fenway Franks.

4.  The Red Sox are still ahead of the Orioles.

5.  The Red Sox play Oakland and KC this week, who stink.

6.  We don't have to play the Angels anymore.  Maybe not even in the Playoffs.

7.  Football season is almost here.

Time to take my anger out on a stuffed rabbit dog toy.

-Big Pupi 

1.  The Yankees never get their uniforms dirty.  Have you ever seen Jeter with even a speck of mud on his pretty pants?  Youkilis is dirty and sweaty before the game even starts.  The guy practices head first slides during warm-ups.

Besides blasting 3 homers in 3 games in Pawtucket, Big Papi also spent some time enjoying himself while in RI last weekend.  Here's 10 things he did while he wasn't on the field:

1.  Ate an entire D'Angelos meatball grinder in 2 bites
2.  Drank a whole Newport Creamery coffee cabinet in one gulp, causing brain freeze
3.  Rode the Big Blue Bug like a rodeo bull for 8 seconds
4.  Caught a wave at Narragansett (can you picture Big Papi on a surfboard?)
5.  Filled in as a dinosaur at Roger Williams Park Zoo for an afternoon since one of the regular dinosaurs was broken
6.  Drank a whole gallon of Dell's Lemonade in one gulp, again causing brain freeze
7.  Climbed to the highest point in RI and beat his chest like Godzilla, then proceeded to climb down from the landfill
8.  Went to give a motivational speech to kids at a Foster, Glocester elementary school, school ended up being closed for a snow day
9.  Survived 3 fiery 18-wheeler wrecks on 95 at Thurber's Ave
10. Emptied all his baseball gear from his bags, refilled bags with enough clam cakes to last through next week

-Big Pupi

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Big Pupi's Platform

As inevitable as Greg Norman collapsing in the final round of a Major, Manny Ramirez is once again up to his mid-summer antics. Shoving secretaries, talking on his cell inside the Monster, falling on top of pop flies, striking out on purpose and grabbing all the headlines because of it.  In the meantime the Sox are getting crushed by the Angels.  As a long-time advocate of letting Manny do whatever he wants, we should just let Manny do whatever he wants.  Manny is among the last things that the Red Sox need to worry about right now.  Manny flailing at a fly ball and falling with the grace of a hippo on top of it was about the only entertaining thing I've seen out of the Sox since they've been in Los Angeles of Anaheim.  That and Coco's grab.

My point is that Manny is prone to mess around this time of year and we should just accept it.  Unlike Greg Norman, Manny will come through in the clutch when it matters for us.  When's the last time the Angles beat the Sox when it mattered?  Never, because Manny won't let that happen.  So enjoy Manny's antics while they last because you won't see it in the Playoffs.  Unless your idea of antics is game-winning moonshots off K-Rod.

Feast hard,
Big Pupi

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You don't have to be from IL to vote!
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Ode to Jacoby Ellsbury
by: Big Pupi

 

It's time for an ode to the man named Jacoby
Who runs faster than Flash, which is made by Adobe
He should be an All-Star, just like Fukudome
He won me a taco, that's why he's my homey.

He steals bases like a thief in a bandana,
Faster than a gazelle from the African savanna
Robbing the Rays down at Tropicana-
I'm glad we didn't trade him for Johan Santana.

Part Native-American from the Pacific Northwest
Since coming to the Bigs he's really progressed.

And in the 2007 Playoffs he passed the test-

Now all the ladies want to show him their chests.
He worked hard all winter and put on some weight
Spending some time in the Beaver State
I want to put "JACOBY" on my license plate,
Man do I savor that taco I ate.

So here's to Jacoby, the future of the Sox
He's faster and sleeker than an Arctic fox
Stronger and works harder than a farming ox,
And one day we'll see him on a Wheaties' box.

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You don't have to be from IL to vote!
Big Pupi's Platform

When I'm not watching the Red Sox or feasting on meat, I like to watch me some NASCAR.  Being a Sox fan, of course I cheer for the Roush-Fenway racing squad, which is 50% owned by the Red Sox ownership team.  My favorite Roush-Fenway driver is #99 Carl Edwards, who has 3 wins this year and was just edged-out last week by M&M's Kyle Busch because the race ended on a caution behind them.  If you guys haven't had the chance to check Carl Edwards out this year yet, you can watch him win the Nationwide race tonight on ESPN and the Sprint Cup race tomorrow night on TNT.  Just flip to the race during the Sox-O's commercials or when the bottom of the Sox order comes up.  Like Manny, Edwards is a dynamic athlete.  He does what it takes to win in the clutch and then he celebrates in everyone's face by doing a backflip off his car after the race.  Edwards is also jacked and dates athletes and models like swimmer Amanda Beard.  And if you don't happen to like Edwards, check out the other Fenway drivers like #17 DEWALT car Matt Kenseth or #6 AAA car David Ragan.

So NASCAR is in my territory this week in Chicago.  I asked my dad if we could go, but he told me our truck broke down and we had to get rid of it.  Since we don't have a truck, we can't go because my mom's Volkswagen is not an appropriate car to be seen in at a NASCAR race. Makes sense, I guess. So I have my TV ready to watch both Clay Buchholz and Carl Edwards tear things up this weekend!

-Big Pupi
Vote Big Pupi for Red Sox Nation Governor of Illinois! bigpupi@gmail.com

I've officially thrown my hat into the ring for Red Sox Nation Governor for the state of Illinois.  You don't need to be from Illinois to vote.  Vote for me here by August 5th. You need my email address to vote: bigpupi@gmail.com Remember, you can vote 10 times per email address!  Here's why you should vote for me:

- I've been a Sox fan since I was a puppy in 2003 when I saw Kevin Millar eating chicken wings on those KFC commercials and I learned Mike Timlin loves duck-hunting just like me.

- I hate Yankees because they are not hairy and their uniforms are always clean.  Like Kevin Youkilis, I prefer not to bathe.

- I've marked the entire Loop and a 7-mile stretch of Lake Michigan for Red Sox Nation.

- I represented Red Sox Nation at the 2008 White Sox Dog Day at US Cellular Field.

- I've built a nationwide network of Red Sox dog fans at my Web site, BigPupi.com to fight for a dog-friendly section K-9 at Fenway Park and for a dog's right to eat real Fenway Franks.

- I made it to the finals in the 2007 vote for President of Red Sox Nation and was edged out by RemDawg (not a real dog) and Regular Rob.

- I eat raw meat for breakfast (and dinner).  You know, cow stomach, goat, chicken necks and such.  Raw meat helps keep me strong in case the Sox ever need me to pinch-hit.

- My favorite dog toy is the Fenway baseball that my human caught for me in the Monster seats.

- I have the 3rd most popular MLB blog in 2008, which I use to create awareness for the issues that surround Red Sox animal Nation (not just dogs, I think cats smell interesting too!)

- I write tasty Red Sox poems.

- I lead the Red Sox animal team in the Sox-Yanks dog challenge.

- Like my namesake David Ortiz, my motto is "Play Hard. Feast Hard."

Voting is easy.  Try it!  Vote for Big Pupi for Governor of Red Sox Nation Illinois!

Feast hard,
Big Pupi

As you know, I was very angry at my human for going to Fenway Park without attempting to sneak me in under his shirt.  When my human got home, I sniffed him vigorously and determined that he had eaten some sort of monstrously big Fenway Frank, which made me want to bite his ankles.  But then, he pulled out a real-life Major League baseball that he had caught in the Monster Seats and gave it to me!  I felt like Jonathan Papelbon's dog.  My human actually caught a batting practice homer with his bare hands!  And now it's mine!  Guess who hit it?  Julio Lugo.  Just kidding, Lugo can't hit it out of the infield! The homer was hit by Brendan Harris of the Twins.

So I no longer hate my human since he gave me a real toy that has good smells of Fenway Park grass on it.  I promised him that I would just lick the ball and that I would keep it away from my stupid brother because he likes to chew up and destroy stuff.  Check me out with my new Red Sox baseball!

Well I just learned that my stupid dad will be taking a little trip to Fenway Park tomorrow night to sit in the Monster seats, feast on Fenway Franks, collect homers hit by Mike Lowell, and heckle Julio Lugo in person.  When I asked him if I could come along, he informed me that my campaign to create dog-friendly Section K-9 at Fenway hasn't worked out yet.  The only big league game I could go to this year was the White Sox-Royals Dog Day game at the Cell, which already happened.  Well, human, if you're not going to help me sneak into Fenway, you just may open your suitcase when you get to Boston and find a little surprise inside.

Just a quick note that the Boston Herald reported today that a source indicated that the Red Sox are talking to teams about upgrading at shortstop.  Yay!  Trade Julio Lugo!!  In fact, even if these talks break-down, we should just cut Lugo and replace him at SS with a cardboard cutout of Orlando Cabrera.  Then at least we won't have to watch Lugo bat.  The cardboard Cabrera would also make less errors.

Big Pupi

Today, Joey Chestnut defeated the legendary Takeru Kobayashi in the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.  At the end of the 10-minute regulation eating period, Chestnut and Kobayashi were tied at 59 dogs.  Chestnut went on to take the title in the 5 dog overtime eat-off.  After watching this, I have informed my human that I am putting myself up for adoption by either Chestnut or Kobayashi.  My human could never eat 59 hot dogs in 10 minutes and that makes him lame.

As for Joey Chestnut, I'm calling you out!  I think that I can eat more hot dogs than you.  Seriously. If you want some real competition, bring some hot dogs over to my house and we'll get it on.

Well, I guess it is clear that the Rays are a reel force to be reckoned with.  I sure do miss the Devil Rays! I thought I'd take a look back to the good old days and compare the Devil Rays to the Rays:

Being an expert in feasting, I've taken it upon myself over the last few weeks to help feasting outlets like KFC and Subway improve their lame marketing campaigns.  I spend the majority of my day thinking about eating, so I consider myself qualified to give KFC CMO James O'Reilly and Subway CMO Tony Pace some marketing advice.  Today, I'd like to present them with a case study of a brand that not only knows how to cook, but knows how to sell what they're cooking: Taco Bell.

It goes without saying that Taco Bell's "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" was the greatest marketing campaign in the history of the world.  Last October, Jacoby Ellsbury and Taco Bell helped deliver that free taco into my mouth, which I still savor as one of my greatest feasts to date.  But what has Taco Bell been doing marketing-wise since "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco?" Ad-targeting like nobody's business!  Today, I was reading comments on my blog before lunch when I saw an ad on the right for Taco Bell's new Fresco Menu.  My mouth immediately began to water.  Taco Bell was showing me the exact ad I wanted to see (with pictures of tasty tacos) at the exact time I wanted to see it!  Not to mention that my blog is a hub for animals and humans who happen to love food like tacos and who regularly traffic my blog to read about feasting.  I'm sure my hungry blog-readers also enjoyed the ad and went straight down to their local Taco Bell to cure that rumbling in their tummies!  That's why Taco Bell CMO David Ovens really knows how to sell a taco!

Yum!
Big Pupi