Someone Better Win me a Taco or I’m Gonna be Mad!
Since Tacoby Bellsbury and Taco-co Crisp were unfairly eliminated from the World Series, I’m a little nervous that no one will win me a free taco this year. Since I’ve watched a total of 0 Phillies’ games this year (well I did watch Manny bat in the NLCS), I decided to do some research into what kind of running game this team has and which Phillie can possibly make it rain free tacos. Here’s my findings:
1. Jimmy Rollins (SS)- If a Phillie is going to win me a taco, Rollins is likely the man to do it. He has 47 stolen bases this year. We just need him to get on base.
2. Shane Victorino (CF)- If Rollins can’t bring the feast, Victorino may be able to. 36 steals on the year. Unlike Taco-co, Victorino prefers not to start fights with pitchers who throw at him. This bodes well for him not getting thrown out of the game and keeping my free taco hopes alive.
3. Chase Utley (2B)- With a name like Chase, you’d think this guy could run. Not so much with only 14 steals on the season. I’d say Chase has an outside chance of opening Taco Bell’s coffers.
4. Ryan Howard (1B)- Too fat to run. 1 steal on the season, which was likely a fluke. Howard should mail me a coupon for a free Subway grinder to make up for his 0% chance of winning me a taco.
5. Pat Burrell (LF)- Is it even possible to steal 0 bases in a season? I mean, not even a defensive indifference or something? Burrell is lame.
6. Geoff Jenkins (RF)- Never heard of this guy, but apparently he doesn’t know how to run. Perhaps he needs a bite in the bum to get moving. 1 steal on the season.
7. Pedro Feliz (3B)- More like Pedro Please get moving. You stink. 0 steals on the season.
8. Carlos Ruiz (C)- While unlikely to steal a base himself (1 on the season), the Phillies catcher can still help out the cause by letting Carl Crawford steal on him. Put it in your pocket, Carlos!
9. Cole Hamels (P)- Oddly enough, pitchers bat in the NL. How lame is that? One less potential base-stealer in the line-up! Anyway, even if Hamels gets on base, there is no way he is risking messing up his hair by sliding into second.
As you can see, the Phillies’ order is extremely top-heavy. If Rollins or Victorino don’t get on base, we will likely starve.
Play hard. Feast harder.