Hot Stove Issues Before the ALDS
My human told me not to try to eat meat cooking on a hot stove, but I haven’t really learned my lesson:
1. Will Beckett be back for Game 3?
Absolutely, I once went hunting with Josh two hours after he strained his oblique and he bagged 7 deer and an antelope. The guy is clutch. Not affected by injury.
2. If Beckett isn’t back for Game 3, will Byrd pitch?
It’s a long way for Byrd to fly from LA back to Boston, so I would say no. I’d say he’ll be able to fly to about Chicago, where he’s invited to stop by my house for dinner.
3. Will Ellsbury win me a taco?
My prediction is that Ellsbury steals 30 bases and tacos fall from the sky. Wait, Taco Bell is giving us tacos, right?
4. Is K-Rod afraid of the Red Sox without Manny?
No, we better score lots of runs early off Lackey, who stinks.
5. Will Papi play first if Lowell is out?
Yes, and when the ump isn’t looking, Varitek will coat the baseballs with pork chop juice. Ortiz has never dropped anything that smells like a pork chop.
6. Who will win the VP debate?
Whoever talks the most about pork-barrel spending, of course. Tasty.