The Division is Ours!!
Only 3.5 games back and now I smell tasty Devil Rays! Although I’m mostly a meat-eater, I do feast on fish from time to time. Canned salmon is particularly tasty and I think I’d probably take me a bite out of a Devil Ray if I ever saw one washed ashore near my lake, Lake Michigan. That’s right, it’s my lake so next time the Coast Guard tells me I don’t have permission to swim in it, I’ll tell them they don’t have my permission to ride their boat in it. I marked it, you know.
Forget about the wildcard, I want to win the division now! I also want home field advantage throughout the Playoffs, so we can set up our pitching and we don’t have to travel as much, which means more resting and feasting. Good sleeping and home-cooked eating in the Playoffs is the key to winning championships. Devil Rays, you can start choking now. We have lots of games left against the Blue Jays who have our number. Earth to the Blue Jays, you’re out so stop trying so hard. Paul Byrd is going to fly into your nest and eat your eggs. Migrate south for the winter.
As for the Twins and the White Sox, one of you can forget it. Twins are burnt out after having to leave their home for like 2 weeks because of John McCain and Sarah Palin, who loves to feast on moose burgers. Mmmm, moose burgers. Feasting. White Sox, I hope you get in and play the Red Sox in the first round so I can go to the games at the Cell, where dogs are allowed. Mmmm, Comiskey Dogs. Moose hot dogs. Tasty.
California Angels of Los Anaheim, you can forget the number #1 seed. See you in the ALCS. Or maybe you can mix it up a little and let someone else knock you out of the Playoffs this year. Pedroia for President! Free tacos for everybody!