What’s Julio Lugo Been Up To?

So I gave my buddy Lugo a call the other day to see what he’s been doing in his spare time on the DL.  Unfortunately, he didn’t answer my call, perhaps because he saw “Big Pupi” on his caller ID and thought I was going to heckle him.  Or maybe my call didn’t go through because I was trying to call him from a stuffed dog toy.  Either way, I think I have a pretty good idea of what Lugo’s been up to:

1.       Furiously sticking pins in a Jed Lowrie voodoo doll (it’s not working, Lugo)

2.       Trying to get a spot on the Dominican Republic  women’s gymnastics team (although the right weight, Lugo is not flexible enough)

3.       Consistently blowing it in clutch situations around the house, such as failing to make it to the stove before the water boils over

4.       Bobbling his breakfast, resulting in broken eggs all over the floor

5.       Collecting his $9 million dollar paycheck

6.       Letting Manny fly off the handle and get traded because he wasn’t around to keep Manny  in line

7.       Searching for his long lost little brother Ruddy Lugo- Julio finds Ruddy pitching for Triple-A New Orleans and goes down to see him, but like a routine grounder, Julio just misses Ruddy as he is called up to the Mets because Billy Wagner is injured

8.       Throwing a Frisbee to his dog, not reaching his dog with Frisbee

9.       Going to counseling for anorexia

10.   Watching “So You Think You Can Dance?”

-Big Pupi