1. The Yankees never get their uniforms dirty. Have you ever seen Jeter with even a speck of mud on his pretty pants? Youkilis is dirty and sweaty before the game even starts. The guy practices head first slides during warm-ups.
2. The Yankees have the personality of a dead field mouse. For a multi-millionaire playboy who hooked-up with Madonna, you’d think A-Rod would be a little more interesting to hear talk. I mean everything Manny does is super interesting.
3. The Yankees aren’t allowed to have facial hair, except mustaches. Mustaches? You can only have one kind of facial hair and you pick mustaches? This is not 1972. Goatees are where it’s at.
4. The Yankees are wicked old. Jorge Posada is older than a sea tortoise and runs like one too. Clay Buchholz is like 14, a young stud.
5. The Yankees got their muscles by shooting steroids in their bums. The Red Sox got their muscles by eating raw meat.
6. Jason Giambi wears a thong under his jersey. Mike Timlin wears camouflage hunting gear under his jersey.
7. A-Rod wears purple lip gloss. Dustin Pedroia wears dirt for chapstick.
8. The Yankees eat like little girls. I guess Joba could put up some slight competition, but when it really comes down to it, David Ortiz and Bartolo Colon would absolutely destroy the Yankees in a pork chop eating contest.