So my stupid human forgot to leave the TV on for me when he left for work so that I could watch today’s day game. Hello human, I can’t work a remote because I have no thumbs! I tried to get my brother Stanislaw to help since he still has his dew claws, but once he got the TV on, he wouldn’t change the channel from Animal Planet. So I had to watch this show about tiger sharks instead of the Red Sox. It was pretty interesting though, I never knew tiger sharks lived in my lake.
Anyway, since I can’t talk about the Red Sox, I thought I’d talk about my other favorite thing- food. This has been weighing on my mind for a few days now. So I’ve seen a bunch of these Subway $5 Foot Longs commercials, which show massive grinders packed with large amounts of meat and cheese. I’ve been telling my human to go pick one of these $5 Foot Longs up and he finally took my advice the other day. He left said grinder on the table and went to get a napkin, so I jumped up for a closer look. To my surprise, I did not see massive amounts of meat and cheese. I could barely make the chicken out under the pile of bread and lettuce. No wonder Jared lost all that weight, all he’s been eating is lettuce that past 8 years! I hate Jared.
So I’m calling out Subway for false advertising. If you show me meat on TV, you better deliver that meat into my sandwich. I went down to my local Subway to complain and discovered that they have loads of meat and cheese behind their counter. This meat and cheese is just not making it into their $5 Foot Longs. So Subway Chief Marketing Officer Tony Pace, if you’re reading this I just want to let you know that I can’t endorse such a meatless sandwich. Please mail me one of the sandwiches from your commercials and I may change my mind. For now, I will be getting my meat from KFC. Like Paul Pierce, that is The Truth.
Big Sign, Little Meat: