KFC: Tasty Food, Awful Marketing

So
I’ve been watching these recent Sox-O’s games on MASN (sorry, RemDawg!)
hoping to see Kevin Millar in a new commercial for my current favorite
food, KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy.  Instead of
seeing the King of Selling Chicken, all I’ve seen are these stupid
commercials with humans sitting around the table with the new Crispy.  Well this worries me.  I
love the KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy and I’m genuinely afraid that if KFC
Chief Marketing Officer James O’Reilly doesn’t step up KFC’s game, people
won’t buy the new Crispy and it will be discontinued.  Since I spend the majority of my day thinking about eating chicken, I consider myself an expert in fried chicken marketing.  Please, KFC, take my advice on how to turn around the KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy marketing campaign:

1. Hire Kevin Millar as your spokesman immediately.  Millar bathes in KFC chicken wing grease.  This guy can get a vegan to chow down a whole bucket of the new Crispy.  I have no idea what a vegan is.  Forget this family style picnic advertising theme.  Nobody buys it.  People want to see that Millar likes it and then they will like it too.

2. Step up your in-store front window advertising.  You need to promote KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy at eye-level in your store windows.  By eye-level, I mean my eye-level.  I am 1 foot tall.  There’s this place in my neighborhood called Chicken Planet that does a great job with store window advertising.  See example below.

3. Your interactive KFC Smoky Chipotle landing page is lame-O.  I’m supposed to find the chipotle spices on some island or something?   Boring.  If you want to do something really innovative, how about design a landing page that actually smells like chicken.  Instead of letting people move the piece of chicken through a maze with their mouse, let them move it into their mouth.

Trust me KFC, I know my chicken.  I would hate to see the new Crispy flop, so please heed my advice.  Also mail me a bucket.  Thank you.

Feast hard,

Big Pupi