Lucky for Lugo that Millar was weighed down from eating so many buckets of the new KFC Smoky Chipotle Crispy! Since it’s late on Friday, I’ve been drinking a little too much from the toilet so I’m getting my human to type this for me: Last call for all Red Sox dogs who want to join me in my wager against Yankee dog MacKenzie over at Barkability. I’ve already assembled a rag-tag group of animals to take down Yankee Dog Universe and I could use your help too so drop me a comment!
This week, KFC added a new fried chicken flavor to its menu, the Smoky Chipotle Crispy! Smoky Chipotle Crispy joins Original Recipe and Extra Crispy and is the first new KFC fried chicken flavor introduced in decades! I have to get my paws on some Smoky! According to KFC Chief Marketing Officer James O’Reilly, “We don’t take fried chicken flavor introductions lightly at KFC, and
we took our time to painstakingly perfect this new recipe.” I eat a lot of delicious raw chicken wings that my humans get for me at the Polish meat packing store, but O’Reilly makes the Smoky Chipotle Crispy sound wicked tasty!
So I’m assuming that CMO O’Reilly hired Kevin Millar to be the spokesman for the new Smoky Chipotle Crispy seeing that Millar is the best chicken salesman on the planet. I still remember back when I was a puppy in 2003 and Millar got me hooked on KFC during his Red Sox game commercials. So I’m really hoping that my MLB Extra Innings shows me the Baltimore broadcast for this weekend’s Sox-Orioles series. I’d love to get a glimpse of Millar chowing down some Smoky Chipotle Crispy on a Mid-Atlantic KFC commercial, even if the new flavor isn’t wearing red socks this time. If you’re reading this, James O’Reilly, drop me a comment or email. I know the perfect spokesdog for your new blend. And you can pay me in chicken!
Ode to Dustin Pedroia
But you lick your lips when you see that high-heat
And turn it around back into the seats.
You suck up ground balls as if you’re a Dyson,
Good thing that you’re bald ‘cuz you’d surely get lice in
Your hair from rolling around in that dirt,
Too bad for the guy who must clean your shirt.
And out in the field you wear lots of necklaces
And dive for ground balls with remarkable recklessness.
You play cribbage with Francona but he always defeats you-
You run so hard, a fielder’s throw rarely beats you.
And in 2007, you were Rookie of the Year,
But accolades like this are not what you care.
You care about winning and swinging so hard
And helping RemDawg sell his no-hitter scorecard-
Like that game when the O’s got no hits off Clay
And your grab at second was the play of the day.
When Pedroia is up, there’s about to be a rally
‘Cuz this kid from ASU don’t play like no Sally.
Send him to the bullpen, designate him for assignment- it doesn’t matter, you can’t get rid of Julian Tavarez! That’s right, Tavarez has accepted his assignment to Pawtucket and should be back with the big team soon since David Aaarvark and Lopez can’t throw. In the meantime, I’ll be Southbound 95 to watch the Paw Sox and their new ace. I hope he starts some fights with some guys from the Rochester Red Wings or something.
Recently, Yankee dog Mackenzie over at Barkability barked a challenge at me. Here’s the deal: If the Sox beat the Yanks in the East, Mackenzie has to wear a Red Sox cap. If the Yanks beat the Sox, I have to take off what I’m currently wearing (see picture below) and wear a Yanks hat. Anyway, Mackenzie is recruiting a group of Yankee dogs to get in on the bet, so I need Red Sox dogs to join me! I’m assuming all my Red Sox animal buddies will join me such as Eleanor, Beckett over at It’s Beckett’s World, Fenway from Fenway’s Park, Stanislaw from I Eat Raw Meat, and Jacoby Ellsbury’s cousin Captain over at Captain8Boots. So if you too want to see Mackenzie with his tail between his legs, drop me a comment and I’ll include you in this special Red Sox Animal Nation task force. If you’re already a Forgotten Fan, let me know so I can include your picture with all the animals that are going to take on Mackenzie and his Yankee dog friends. Mackenzie and I will be recruiting until the end of the month! Go Sox!
Ode to Manny
by: Big Pupi
Manny, oh Manny, you’re a real bad man-
You jumped in the stands and high-fived a fan
After making a catch with your back to the plate
Then threw the ball in at an astonishing rate
And turned a double-play with Dustin Pedroia-
You never talk to any reporters
Except Jose Mota after that game-ender
That landed on the Pike off some guy’s fender.
You stood like a statue just watching it sail
In the Angel’s coffin you pounded a nail.
You bat over .300 like every year straight
Some pitchers you face just accept their fate
And intentionally walk you or throw inside
Like , but he can’t hide
From your devastating stare and loaded-up bat,
How do you fit all that hair under your hat?
You go in the Monster to take a leak,
When August comes you’ll hurt your oblique.
But that’s okay because you deserve the rest
Come Playoff time to be at your best
And show everyone that the Playoffs are here
By blasting homeruns with your arms in the air.
This week the Sox host the not-so-lovable losers, the Kansas City Royals. I was running around the dog park today and I came up with some Royal funnies: