Millar Off to Explosive Start
In case you missed it, Kevin Millar is responsible for all the runs driven in by the Orioles thus far this year. In fact, I’m going to make the bold prediction right now that Kevin Millar will drive in 100% of the Orioles’ runs this season. Why is Millar still so great? Well, after losing the “Chowdown” chicken wing eating contest at the end of last season, Millar fell on some hard times. He was starting to believe that he could no longer throw down chicken wings with the big boys. That’s when Kevin gave me a call to help him get back on track. I had been doing a little experimenting at the time eating raw chicken wings (bones and all), so I introduced Kevin to the Raw Food Diet and it was like a match made in heaven. That’s right, Kevin Millar now eats raw chicken wings before every game. He’s bigger and stronger than ever and his raw meat eating is obviously paying off.
Also, while I’m on the subject of Kevin Millar, don’t think I didn’t notice the Sean Casey acquisition this off-season, Theo. Didn’t know you were in the market for an aging first baseman. I happen to know another one you could have picked up instead of Sean Casey. I’ll give you a hint- his first name is Kevin and his last name is Millar. Sean Casey, I’m going to be watching you very carefully this season, you’re already on my bad side. Well, gotta go watch the game, so with that I leave you with my epic poem “Ode to Kevin Millar“.