Vernon Wells does have a cannon, but it wasn’t enough to gun down Manny and his aerodynamic hair as the Sox walked-off with another win tonight. Moss was a hoss and Ortiz brought the thunder, both with his bat and his running around the bases. I swear that my apartment floor was shaking when Papi rounded first after his single in the 9th. Let’s hope that running didn’t cause another injury. I’m so glad Varitek ended that game before extra innings because 1. We don’t want to wear Pap out with Oki struggling, 2. I had a huge poo in my bum that I really needed to take care of. Here’s a few other thoughts I had tonight:
Who says you need to score any runs? One run was fine tonight. Pitching, defense, and 1 hit from Kevin Youkilis was enough to spoil Roy Halladay’s gem and make him angry. That’s great, but this isn’t the National League. I know the Rays are the best team in the AL East (seriously?) and Halladay is a stud, but the Sox bats are about as lifeless the past 5 games as the raw chicken foot I was just snacking on. I could get more hits with my tail, and my tail is docked. I could use the raw fish I ate for breakfast as a bat and make more contact than Julio Lugo has been lately. Ortiz is once again colder than the Iditarod. But that’s okay, a win’s a win and this walk-off victory might spur the Sox to start scoring some runs. Feast hard tonight, Red Sox, and bring back that 2-out, late-inning, Manny-celebrating-before-the-ball-leaves-the-park team I’m used to!
Dice-K, Varitek, Beckett, Delcarmen, and Coco Crisp all have come down with the flu the past few days. I know how they feel because I also puked today. At first I thought I may have caught something from Josh Beckett when we went pheasant hunting together last weekend, but then I realized it must have been something I ate. You may know that I eat an entirely raw diet (raw goat, cow stomach, raw chicken wings, ect.). Well, it just so happens that my regular raw meat delivery hasn’t yet shown up at my door this month, so I ran out of raw meat and actually had to eat a non-raw dinner tonight. Needless to say, I puked that up. I really hope my raw duck meat shows up tomorrow for the Rays series. I hope the Sox get better too because the flu is the only team that can beat them right now.
I just wanted to let everyone know that I did my share for the environment this Earth Day. I fertilized my front lawn. Jacoby Ellsbury, on the other hand, damaged the Ozone Layer with the bombs he hit tonight.
In honor of David Ortiz breaking out of his slump and feasting on Texas pitching this weekend, I’m releasing Feast: my new line of high performance feasting gear dog shirts Boy, can I throw down raw turkey necks in the morning wearing my sleek You Gonna Eat That? dog t-shirt. I even have raw feating gear for humans who love dogs. Now if only Josh Beckett could get his ice cream machine back!
I haven’t really been that worried when the Sox are down 5 runs in the 7th inning lately. I admit that I thought they were done today, however, since Manny was ejected in the second for barking at the ump. I also thought the Bruins were done last night when they were down in the 3rd, seeing as Manny doesn’t play for them. But apparently Manny isn’t the only one getting things done late. Ortiz, Lowrie, Pedroia, and Sean Casey (with his Kevin Millar-like walk) picked up the slack for Manny as he sat in the locker room hot tub eating steak tips. It’s like I always say when my human is eating cheesy delicious Doritos on the couch: You beg hard until the feasting is over and the Doritos are gone. You never know what might fall into your mouth.
Pope Benedict XVI will be visiting the Stadium these weekend for a brief 1 game set against the Yankees. The Pope reportedly told New York media, “If you thought the Red Sox were tough, wait until I come to town.” His Holiness also mentioned that he isn’t afraid of Kyle Farnsworth throwing inside, since he has “God to retaliate for him”. The last time the Yankees faced the Pope (John Paul II in 1979), they were crushed 47-0 and the game was called because of the Lord Have Mercy rule. The 2008 contest will most likely be a little closer, since Benedict is one old Dude, while John Paul faced the Yanks at the height of his career.
I was pretty disappointed that Josh Beckett didn’t bean any Yankees after Farnsworth threw head-high behind Manny because Manny kept hitting homers every time he was up. I really thought Beckett was going plunk Johnny Damon, but Josh just kept his cool and just went on getting Yankees out. I thought someone should have at least thrown some food. Like Ortiz could have chucked a pork chop at Jason Giambi or something. Mmmm, pork chops. Anyway, I’ll look forward to some retaliation in the next Sox/Yanks series. And pork chops.
Kevin Millar notes: Micheal Kay told me that Millar was the last person to hit 3 homers off the Yanks in one game, something Manny almost did tonight. Millar also had a Web Gem on Baseball Tonight.
While doing some duck hunting in Cleveland after last night’s game, Mike Timlin accidently shot Paul Byrd, who was flying home after losing to the Red Sox. Byrd was placed on the 15-day DL with a broken wing. In related news, Jonathan Papelbon, while doing some pre-game turkey hunting, shot Julio Lugo as he was doing wind-sprints in the outfield at Yankee Stadium. Alex Cora will replace Lugo in tonight’s line-up.