Today, Bartolo Colon arrived at Sox camp ready to eat. I can’t believe no one else wanted to sign this guy for only 1.2 million for 1 year, plus the cost of food. I guess they couldn’t afford the cost of food. Well, luckily the Red Sox are rich because I like this acquisition, especially if the Sox get into some sort of hot dog eating contest to settle a tied rain-shortened game or something.
I’m even thinking of replacing David Wells with Colon at pitcher on my All-Time Red Sox Greatest Eaters Team. Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing Colon do some post-game eating at Spring Training to see what he’s really got. I wonder if he likes raw turkey necks like I do.
Big Pupi has all the answers to your burning questions about the Red Sox. Drop me a comment and I’ll answer your question too! Here’s a few pre-season questions my dogs have been thinking about:
Question: Hey Big Pupi! What do you think about the Sox starting their season in Japan? If you remember when the Yankees did this a few years back, they got off to a terrible start and Jason Giambi got a stomach worm and lost like 40 pounds and the Yanks haven’t won a World Series since.
-Mr. Jiggles Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Big Pupi: Hey Mr. Jiggles! I’ll tell you one thing- Jason Giambi is a wimp who can’t stomach some meat that was a little undercooked. I eat raw meat everyday and it makes me stronger. Can you really see what happened to Giambi happen to a guy like Josh Beckett who lives on raw venison all winter? Starting in Japan will be no problem for the Sox.
Question: Hey Pupi, do you think Curt Schilling will still be required to meet his weigh-in goals in order to get his money even if he is out for the season?
-Jake East Greenwich, Rhode Island
Big Pupi: I don’t know Jake, but that would really stink for Schilling- no baseball and no eating!
Question: Howdy Pupi, I love your work. My question is about shortstop. Do you think the Sox are going to stick with Lugo for the long-term?
-Duke Amarillo, Texas
Big Pupi: A Texas-sized howdy to you too, Duke! I’m sorry to say that you better get prepared for another season of occasional infield hits and leaving runners in scoring position for Julio Lugo. The Sox have too much invested in this guy to not give him another year to prove that he actually is a baseball player. However, I myself have been training all winter to play SS for the Sox and am currently on my way to Ft. Myers to try to walk on the team. Wish me luck!
Question: Big Pupi, how many deer do you think Mike Timlin bagged this off-season?
-Hunter Nashua, New Hampshire
Big Pupi: Unfortunately Mike Timlin has not yet invited me to go hunting with him, but if I had to guess the number of deer he bagged, I would say 547.
Man it has been a long winter, especially since I moved up here to Chicago where it is still snowing. Think I’ll take a trip down to Fort Myers since pitchers and catchers report in 1 day! And since Red Sox baseball is back, that means Fenway Franks are back. I’m still hoping to get into the ballpark and feast on Fenway Franks, but this year I hope they serve the Franks raw. That’s right, raw. Over the winter, I’ve been working out and eating an entirely raw food diet. Full chicken wings, oxtail, turkey necks, raw lamb, bloody femur bones, vegetables blended up to resemble the stomach contents of a kill. Josh Beckett even mailed me a full raw deer which I feasted on for five months straight. My brother Stanislaw and I have chronicled our raw food eating experience on our I Eat Raw Meat blog. Check it out.
My point is that I’m stronger and healthier than ever. When I get down to Fort Myers I’m going to try out for shortstop for the Sox. I’m pretty sure Julio Lugo hasn’t been eating an entirely raw meat diet all winter and is still a wimp. I did however talk to fellow Texan Clay Buchholz in the off-season and he has been eating raw turkey necks for breakfast and working out twice a day. Wait until you see this guy in the next few days, he is a beast now. I mean bigger than Kevin Millar. Well, gotta go feast. I hope my humans are feeding me tripe tonight.
Bark at you soon,