Apparently Jonathan Papelbon’s bulldog "Boss" has eaten the ball used to make the last out in the ’07 World Series. Boss jumped up on Pap’s table, took the ball, and tore it to pieces. Tasty. Assuming that Papelbon isn’t trying to throw a fast one by us, this is the most hilarious story I’ve heard since I found out that Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. While some fans may be disappointed that this piece of Red Sox history is now history, I can completely understand Boss’ actions. Balls are for dogs. Why is a ball sitting up on Papelbon’s table gathering dust? It makes no sense. Even though a game of fetch with Papelbon sounds scary to a dog without a helmet, Pap should have been out with Boss playing with the ball in his front yard to begin with. And sometimes dog toys happen to get eaten, especially those coated with the tasty aroma of Red Sox victory.
Bark at me,
I just got through reading the full Mitchell Commission Report and I have to say I am disappointed. I mean all 400 pages smell like paper. George Mitchell could have at least sprinkled some steak juice on a few pages to make it more interesting. Boooring.
Anyway, I’m here to defend a fellow canine who was mentioned in this piece of poo report, "Hit Dog" Mo Vaughn. Just because Mo was a beast doesn’t mean he took steroids, George. Hate to break it to you, but there are other ways that baseball players can enhance their performance. For example, Mo Vaughn’s very own Mo-Licious sandwich, a delectable 3.5 pound meat and cheese creation invented by the Hit Dog.
Feast on a few of those before each game and you’ll be batting over 400. From the smell of your report, George, it doesn’t seem like you have much of an appetite. But until you eat a full Mo-Licious in one sitting and then test negative for performance-enhancing substances, don’t be hating on Mo.