Dear Yankee Stadium Scoreboard Operators,
Please stop getting up the hopes of Yankees fans by flashing pictures of the Stadium Squirrel and the words "Rally Squirrel" on the scoreboard when the Yanks need some runs. It’s not working because your squirrel is gone. Have you seen him in the past few days? I’m willing to bet that you haven’t. I’ve seen him because he is in a cage on my deck. I have been hanging out with him a little. I rattle his cage, ask him how he wants to be cooked, and then we watch Animal Planet together. I was actually thinking about letting him go soon, but ever since I captured him the Red Sox have clinched a playoff berth, and the Yankees have been killing themselves and their bullpen and making no progress in the standings. And when you flash the "Rally Squirrel" (his real name is Henry, by the way) on the scoreboard when the Yanks need a rally, you are only making the fans love him more. And they will be that much more disappointed when I eat him.